teh blog

we’ve all heard this, most of us have probably even said it, “i was just upset, i didn’t really mean it” i’m sorry but i call bullshit. i don’t think that it’s that we didn’t -mean- whatever was said, it’s that we just didn’t mean to -say- it. personally i do some of my clearest thinking when i am pissed off and honestly i don’t know of one realization that i have come to while pissed off that i didn’t still stand by when i was cooled off.

i mean think about it, you wouldn’t say something unless you were thinking it. and you wouldn’t think about something unless you actually believed it. so then the question becomes why do we try to back out of our true feelings? i think there are three possible explanations (which aren’t mutually exclusive).

first, it isn’t socially acceptable to say how you really feel. we live in a society that pretends to embrace individuality but in reality doesn’t. sure you can say whatever you want, but chances are it will come back to haunt you later on. especially with the internet today, you have to be careful what you say because you never know what your future employer will find out about you by doing a google search. but why do employers care? does the fact that i said something 5 years ago affect my ability to do my job? of course not, but it’s all about how we are perceived.

second, to spare the other person’s feelings. you might be in an argument with someone, like a significant other, and say some really mean things. later to try to salvage the relationship you tell them that you didn’t mean it, you were just upset. but if you didn’t mean it, why were you thinking it? the things that we say, even during a fight, don’t just come from no where. we don’t want to admit how we really feel about others.

third, so you don’t have to deal with your own feelings. sometimes the realizations we come to are hard to deal with and we don’t want to believe them, so we tell everyone, including ourselves, that we were just upset and didn’t mean it. i think this is the worst of the three because now you are lying to yourself and holding yourself back from making positive changes. you can never fix something until you identify the problem, and ignoring the problem just makes it that much easier to ignore next time and begins a vicious cycle.

people, myself included, need to own up to their thoughts and feelings and stop making excuses. this is the only way we can ever improve our lives.